Saying goodbye
by Miroku8o8Luver
Summary: Sango & Mirokus thoughts...They love each other but they don't know itDeciding if they will say goodbye to each other for good...Is this really goodbye for both of them? read and see...It's fluffy, my friends say it kawaii, maybe you'll think that 2


Disclaimer: I dont own InuYasha .... The only one in the show I wish I owned is Miroku [yes, the perverted monk] but i can't they all belong to the owner...well enjoy the story...buh bai!

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Lovers thoughts

Today I had to say "Goodbye to Miroku". The journey we came from is over now and Kagome and Inu Yasha went to her time. Now its time for me to go back to my own life and leave the person I really love... Miroku doesn't know...He probably will never know, and I'm afraid to tell him. I don't know what he is thinking but I really wish I do. Im not the type of person that would really let out how I feel... especially being Youkai slayer. I never had seen myself as a regular girl that flirts and do other teenage things. But I don't really care about that. All I know is that I really don't want to leave Miroku here and forget his presence. There's also nothing I can go back to...My family is gone I have nothing that would be with me for the rest of my life. It would only be me, a regular Youkai slayer.  
  
Standing, staring at him sitting down leaning against the tree with his eyes shut. He seems as if he was thinking about something or maybe... someone, but I just wish I knew what he was thinking. I wonder if he cares at all for me... I wonder what he even thinks of me. I wish he would love me like I love him. I don't know what I would do if he weren't thinking of me.. It would kill me if he was thinking of another girl. But that's the thing, I don't have a say in who he wants that will bear his child. I wish I could bear his child. If only I didn't say no. I should have taken it serious because at first I thought he was nothing but a perverted yet cute monk that is really desperate. But if I did say yes... Would he have been using me just to bear his children? I don't only want to bear his child... I would want him to love me for me, not any other girl he sees around.  
  
I am walking to him and I don't really know what to say...but should I say "I Love you" how would he react? I dream for him to say those exact words to me too. But I guess now I only can dream... Its not reality. But if in the end he doesn't love me back, it would hurt, my heart would be broken into little pieces just like the shikon no tama. But I would still be living... but it would seem as if he were killing me, stabbing me with a sword or any thing that would make me bleed to death.  
  
I'm in front of him with sweat falling from my face but he still has his eyes shut. I stared at him closely. Wondering what is on his mind. What would a perverted monk be thinking about[a/n: don't think anything to perverted Kay guys!] I don't know but the way I know Miroku, He isn't all about being a perverted monk, he's sweet, kind, he's cute, he's a good listener and I really like talking to him. What would it feel like without him?  
  
"Miroku?" I whispered. He looked up at me with his beautiful brown eyes, I couldn't help but pause and stare at him... he was so cute. He stared at me but with a sad look on his face. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to say "goodbye" but if I had to I really wish I had enough guts to say "I love you, I don't want you to go but if this is meant to be then I guess its goodbye."  
  
"Hey Sango..." He responded. I only waved. I watched him as he looked down. "Whats wrong, Houshi-sama?" I asked. "Please I have a name...I'd appreciate it if you called me by it." I nodded and gave him a weak smile. I paused, I was about to say something so I opened my mouth, but the thing is that nothing came out.  
"Good bye Sango..." He said without even looking at me. I wanted to cry right there and smack him. I hoped he didn't say that because that made me feel as if he wants me to go. "Yeah..." I said walking away with a mad and yet sad face on... I was walking with my head down and he never chased after me like he usually did when Inu Yasha and Kagome were still with us. 'Maybe the reason he knew I existed is only because of Inu Yasha and Kagome?' I thought to myself. Maybe... Maybe he doesn't care for me not only a little, but all the times we did all the things he use to say like "I'll always be there to protect you, Sango" or "I Think you look beautiful." Or any thing that makes me want to hug him or either smack him, sometimes even feeling like I want to kiss him.  
  
I kept walking... and when I looked back I saw him... watching me walk away. I stopped and stared and wonder what he is doing, my hair was blown by the wind and the sun shined in my eyes and I couldn't see him any more, but I just kept looking back. What does he really want... does he really want me to leave or maybe he doesn't care? Maybe he thinks his life is better without me. Finally when the wind stopped... and the sun stopped shining in my eyes, I saw him with tears falling from his eyes looking down. I watch still watched him carefully just waiting but nothing happened. I turned and continued to walk, and I felt the tears from my eyes. With Kirara on my shoulder she tried to make me feel better by rubbing her head on my face but it didn't work.  
  
I really wish we didn't complete the shikon jewel. If we didn't we wouldn't have to split up. Maybe if we didn't find all the pieces we would have gotten closer. I want to stay with him, but not if he doesn't want me... I wish I could stay with him till the day that I die. Now that I know we weren't meant to be together, I should try to move on.  
  
I should have known this from when you were flirting with all the village girls. Just watching you flirt with them was like you stabbing my heart but not enough to kill me. I wish I could have died with Kohaku, it would have been easier. I would not have developed any feelings for this 'perverted' monk. But I feel we were meant to be... but I guess this is the feeling of "puppy love". [A/n: you guys can cry now...LoL] I felt like just killing myself right there...  
  
I'm just going to say this now... In my head, and if no one hears me then that's how it has to be... If only you, Miroku could read my mind.  
  
"....I love you Miroku, I really do... I really Love you. I don't want to let you go but if I have to then I'm sorry for all the things I did...all the feelings for you should be gone...But for now I will love you till I die...and I hope it's soon."  
  
----------------------End of Sango's thoughts-------------------------------------------------  
  
Sango you have to leave me now and I don't want you too... I want you too bear my child and I wish you loved me back. But you don't know how much I care for you... if only you knew it wouldn't be this painful to keep. Now its time to say "good bye" but I don't know what's best...I want you to be happy; I want you to do what ever you want in your future. But I wish you only would want to stay with me in my life, not for me to be happy but also for you to be happy... I want us to have a family but I'm too scared to tell you... I see her thinking...thinking about something... I wish I could read her mind... I wish I could know what will make her happy so I can make her happy.  
  
All the times you did with me...I will miss... but only if this journey with Inu Yasha and Kagome never had ended I would still be with you...I would be able to get closer to you...Not in a touching way but in the way me and you can have love for each other. I miss all the smacks you gave me when I touched you...I always ached to touch you but now...I ache for you to stay with me, with me in my life forever. Only us two... Not any other village girls I flirted with...They didn't matter to me...I thought you knew they never mattered to me...I also miss the way you yell at me and the times you hit me with you hiraikotsu. I want you to stay here and I'll let you do it to me any time you want... I miss the feeling even though it was painful. I don't want you to think I'm just a perverted monk...I want you to really get to know me.  
  
I sense her walking to me but I don't know what to say... I don't want to say goodbye...I never want to, ever...but if it was meant to be then I will let you go... But I made up my mind... and I will have to try to live without your beautiful presence next to me. I want to cry but as a man I won't. I'll try not to. I will be the one to tell you goodbye because I wouldn't be able to handle it if you say it. I don't want to think you don't want me near you but I wish you wish I was with you for the rest of my life...I want you in mines but you will never know...because I can't say it to you... I don't want you to be turned off by me if I say "I love you" I actually might not be able to control myself and I might change the subject and .....Yeah. [a/n: yeah you know..."grope grope"]  
  
I hear you call my name... Then I looked up. I watch and waited what you were going to say...but there was silence...I wonder what you were going to say...what you were thinking. I looked and stared back at you... you were beautiful, Sango. Your one of the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life, the most beautiful girl I've ever met. She called me "Houshi-sama" but I would want her to call me by my name...Miroku. I love the way her tone and voice says my name. It's like angels and bells ringing in my ears...I love the feeling.  
  
Thinking me without you in my life, its makes my heart break. I can't handle this thing called Love. It's to painful for me to handle, I feel as if you were killing me. But you really weren't. If only you would just kill me. I guess I should have just killed myself. Maybe it wouldn't have been as painful as love.  
  
I said "good bye" but I think I shouldn't have. I should have just told you right then and there that "I love you" and that you would just stay here with me, just thinking about it. I feel as if you were the mother made for me that would bear my child. Thinking about you leaving me right now makes me want to kill myself. I feel as if I hate you for making fall in love with you but I really just love you.  
  
Sango, I see you walking away and I wish you hadn't. Was it a bad thing to say "good bye"? You made my heart stop because you never say good bye back to me. You just walked away leaving me heartbroken. I see you walking away as I watched you, praying that you'll come back to me. I continued to watch you walk away. I looked down. I didn't know what to do... was I supposed to run after you? Or leave you to your life and let you do what would make you happy? I wish you wanted to stay. I wish you could tell me "I love you" so I it would be easier for me to tell you that I loved you since the time I seen your beautiful self. You never noticed me until I groped you; I groped you because I really wanted your attention. That was the only way that made you pay attention to me. But all the times I flirted with some one else another girl they weren't as beautiful as you but...I take back flirting with them. All the times I was never there when I said I would be there protect you I'm sorry. All the things I said I would do I wish I did instead of ignore you when another girl came along.  
  
Finally you stopped and looked back. I looked up and saw you watching me. I was glad you stopped. I was able to see you one last time before you left. I saw the wind blow your beautiful dark brown hair. And watch the sun shine on you like you were my guardian angel in my life that I fell in love with.I kept whispering to myself "It's my loss...It's my loss...". I couldn't help but tears fell down my cheeks and I looked down so you wouldn't see. I wanted you to know how I feel but I didn't want you to at the same time. I wonder what you were thinking.  
  
When you turned and walked away... I wanted to run after you like I did before. The time you wanted to run away from me and the rest of us. I want you to come back; I want you to love me back. I don't want you to think I was just a perverted monk that was so desperate. But I don't know what to do... I don't know anything about love because this is the first time I have ever felt love.  
  
I want to say this to your face but I don't have guts to. I don't want you to be afraid of me. I want you to come back but you won't stop. But if you and I could read each others mind. I wish I knew what you were thinking. But right now I wish you could know what I am going to say in my head but I am going to say it now and if no one hears then that's just how I have to live. "I love you...Only you Sango, only you... not any other girls I flirted with, they mean nothing to me. Please come back and tell me you love me too. Instead of leaving me hanging feeling heartbroken. I don't want to lose you... not now, not ever. If I do...I wish I could of died right now...But I want you in my life...I love you"

-----few moments-----

I couldn't help but watch her walk away farther and father and i knew i felt like i had to do something...I couldn't imagine me without you. Your a part of me that makes me ME... but there was no way i had the guts to say what i really feel...i saw her stop by tree and she climbed it. I watched her climb it and watching her making sure it was safe. She sat apon the branch of the tree and watch her look down petting Kirara. I knew I had the chance to go over there and just tell her how i feel about her. She was so close yet so far... I could feel her, I can feel her tears. She misses the journey Inu Yasha and kagome and I, but now that's all over. I wish she would just cry for me. I wish she would just love me and give me a sign that she does, I don't know wether to tell her I love her or not...because I'm scared she might be grossed out by me.

I know she was also afraid of my Kazaana and now its gone but i guess it didn't matter if i still have it or not. All i know is if i never had that curse in the first place I'd probably have her in my arms. But any ways if i also didn't have it then i wouldn't have met you. I can't imagine you with any other guy, just thinking about that makes me mad. I had the feeling that you loved me too but im not sure and i dont want to take a chance. But i change my mind...Im going there and if she doesn't love me back...I will die...I dont care because i'd die for love...

I ran to the tree she was on...she was resting, I didnt want to disturb her but i had no way to tell her "I love her" when she was sleeping. I didn't was to wake her up. But i couldn't resist. I went up there and watched her sleep. I climbed up and layed her head on my lap. She sleep silently as a sleeping beauty. "I love you Sango" i whispered in her ear. Kirara woke up as she jumped onto my shoulder. I watched over Sango waiting for her to wake. She was so beautiful...one look into her eyes I wanted to just kiss her. I watched Sango, i sat there waiting for her to awake. And if i had to, Id wait for her forever. But instead I couldn't control myself I reach down and kissed her and she never awake. She was in a deep sleep. 

I sat there looking at the sky. The sun was about to set. I couldn't help but think of all the times I spent with her and thinking about losing her, this would probably be the last time i would feel her presence next to me for the last time. That made tears run down my cheeks. She looked cold. So I put my purple cloth and wrapped it around her while she layed on my lap. My tear fell and droplets fell and wet her eyes. I wiped them off. She was moving around a little and she kept calling my name. "Miroku please don't leave me" she whispered and she was still sleeping. I was shocked because she was sleep talking. She was moving around too much she almost fell out of the tree but i held on to her tightly, She was having night mares.I don't know exactly what she was dreaming but she kept getting louder and saying "Miroku please! don't leave me..." she repeated, but as she faded out saying those words... after she said in her lowest voice..."I love you too much Miroku..." My eyes lightened, I never believed it. Or maybe it was just a night mare that she loves me.

I kepted thinking to myself if it was really the write time for me to tell her... But its just she was sleeping. But then she popped up and opened her eyes. She yelled "NO MIROKU! I love you too much,don't leave me please!!!". I caught her as she almost fell from the branch again. She looked back at me shocked and blushed. She didn't know i was behind her when she said those words. I wanted to kiss her but i was afraid. I felt more afraid now that i know how shhe feels. But she kept looking at me face to face, she looked so embarassed that i hugged her to comfort her.She hugged and embraced me back. I teared. I teared tears of joy because now i know the truth. She loves me. 

"Sango..." i said. with a embarassed look and tone of her voice she blushed and responded "yes...Houshi-sama?". One of my eyebrows went up with my mouth so straight. Not a frown and not even a smile. 'what happen to my name Miroku?' i thought to myself. But i just never say anything about my name. I just said "Do you really love me?" She never responded. She paused for a while as I felt crushed. I climbed down from the tree with more tears in my eyes. She looked down and watch me. "I have to go..."I said. I was so stupid to say that again. I felt so sad that she didn't love me. It was only a dream to her, well auctually a "nightmare". 

"Wait...Houshi-sama!" i heard from behind while walking from the tree. i turned and looked back. When i turned around my face was right in front of her face only 6 inches away. We both just stared into each others eyes. I felt afraid but yet i felt conforted. She hugged me and cried on my shoulder. I embraced her tight. "Miroku please don't leave...I don't want you too..." she sobbed. "No i wont leave you...I never wanted to..." I responded. I never knew this would come true. I never thought she really loved me how I loved her. She turned and wiped her tears. And she just kissed me. I felt her tender lips touch me gently. I held her close i never wanted to let her go. I love her even more now that i know she loves me too.

"Sango...?" I said "will you stay with me" she nodded and smiled. I was so happy i never see her smile happy this whole day. I was so blessed. She kept kissing me. I didn't stop till she did. We finally parted from the kiss she gave me. "I love you Sango, only you I promise" i whispered in her ear. She whispered in my ear and responded "your mines now, your my perverted monk now" we both laughed. I coudln't help but i missed the feeling of...grope her face turned red...twap she slapped me.I had a handprint on my face. But i didn't care i was happy she smacked me. Because i missed that feeling. She smiled "I want to be your till forever". I let her climb on my back. I carried her as we walked with each other together hoping we will never part. One say soon...We'll have a family together FOREVER...

Food for thought: If you love something...  
let it go...  
If it comes back, It's yours  
if it doesn't  
it never was...... 

Please i dont think i made my story good enough...sorry but this is the first time i wrote a entry for fanfictions. Please REVIEW and tell me what i need in improvments. Thanks a lot buh bai, Lawah yeahz...kisskisssmack


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